


Family Allowances

by forgetmequite



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, POV Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 17:51:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15442563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetmequite/pseuds/forgetmequite
Summary: Magnus, Alec and family.





	Family Allowances

Magnus squeezed his eyes closed and forced his breathing quiet. The slam of the door heralding Alec’s departure was only separated from him by one wall, but it felt more muffled than that, as if in the distance. Maybe that was just his sense of dramatics.

It had been a fool’s errand to begin with, Magnus chided himself. He’d known it from the start, and yet he’d tried, and that said a lot about what Alexander Lightwood had unlocked in him.

In another world, it might have worked. In a world where Alec was marrying to purely solidify his position as the Head of the Institute, or because he could not conceive of Magnus as a realistic option, Magnus might have had a chance.

But in this world, where Alec was marrying to save his family, Magnus should have, _had_ , known he never really stood a chance. Had he not seen Alec’s unwavering commitment to Isabelle, even when lesser men would have written her off as collateral damage, or at least impossible to save? Had he not heard Alec’s tone when a few drinks had loosened his tongue enough for pleasant small talk and he’d talked about his siblings? Had it not been blatantly obvious that despite all their differences, Alec’s love for his mother ran deep even if his respect for her had suffered blows?

Alec would set himself on fire without a second of thought to protect his family. In other circumstances, Magnus would have been intrigued by that and, maybe, if he were being foolish enough, a little hopeful in light of it, for what might lie in the future.

In these circumstances, though, it was only one of the many things about Alec that Magnus had found attractive in the beginning that was now working against him to make sure there would be no future, not for them.

He hoped, in a bout of vindictive carelessness, that Alec’s family appreciated his unwavering loyalty to them. Magnus himself would never know what it would feel like to be the recipient of it.

\---

Magnus was a master of evasion. It was, he supposed, a very cruel trick of faith that he’d been cursed with a heart that yearned for a closeness that was not possible if he used his skills too much.

That, and far too many meaningful relationships of varying kinds.

He bade his time, putting it off, but the annoying thing about investigative work was that there was always a lull somewhere. And when one presented itself, Magnus’s mouth would not let him stay quiet.

“We need to talk.”

Surprised by the sudden words, Alec fumbled with the broken necklace he’d been absently touching as if it would somehow bring Isabelle back to him if he just rubbed it enough times.

“My limited knowledge of mundane media tells me to be concerned.”

Magnus felt too anxious to crack any jokes at the trope’s expense. “About Raphael.”

Something in Alec’s face shifted. Magnus couldn’t identify what; he was too busy staring at the wall next to Alec’s head.

Alec’s voice, though, was unmistakeably cool when he spoke. “Then talk.”

Magnus took a deep breath, forcing himself to glance at Alec. “I know you’re cross with him, but...” How to explain all of it, the bond between him and Raphael and why Magnus had formed it in the first place, in terms that Alec could understand when Magnus was far too hesitant to share the whole story? “He’s family to me. That will not change.”

Alec watched him for an unnervingly long time, the tension palpable on his face.

“Izzy’s family to me,” he said eventually. “That’s not going to change either.”

They looked each other in the eye for what was not the scariest moment of Magnus’s life, but perhaps felt like it while it was happening.

“I suppose it’s inevitable,” Alec said eventually, and Magnus’s heartbeat picked up without his permission. “Shadowhunter families are always powder kegs, at least. Makes sense immortality would just make that worse.”

Magnus dared to crack a smile. “Oh, Alexander, you don’t know a fraction of it.”

He tried not to show visible relief when the small amused smile reached Alec’s eyes. That was not the end of it, not by a long-shot. But it was something he – they – could live with, at least for now.

\---

Alec squeezed his fingers, and then he was gone. Magnus watched him go to his mother’s side, standing strong for her, for his family, even when he probably couldn’t have been strong just for himself.

In that moment, Magnus knew he was going to lose Alec. Maybe not in this war, but certainly for this battle.

Alec wanted to be with him, that much Magnus could never doubt. And Magnus wanted to be with him, too; the heart aching in his chest would not let him forget it for a second.

But Alec was at the other end of the hallway, not here with Magnus, because his family needed him.

He wanted to be with Alec, more than anything, but Magnus’s family needed him, and for him to give the Downworld what they needed, he couldn’t have Alec. Not right now. Magnus watched Alec soothe his hand down Isabelle’s arm, letting the hollow ache of his heart fade into the background as he basked in the glorious warmth of a love for one’s family that would move mountains.

Alec’s love for his family. But also, Magnus’s love for his own.

It was funny, he thought without humour, that in this moment their differences were pulling them apart, but what made the clean break possible was this similarity.

\---

Magnus twisted his rings around his fingers rather than pulling them off. If he wouldn’t be ready for bed soon, Alec would realise something was off.

Well, if that happened, Magnus would just magick himself out of his make-up and into suitable sleeping attire the second Alec’s voice from the bed turned questioning.

It had been an incredibly eventful day, and there were so many things they could pillowtalk about. That was perhaps a blessing; maybe Alec would have something of his own on the tip of his tongue so that he might perhaps be distracted from the fact that Magnus kept swallowing something down.

He’d already brought it up once to get reassurance. Alec was a sweet man, but at some point even the sweetest ones would eventually turn sour at the thought of providing _yet_ another reassurance that their lover’s parentage did not bother them.

Magnus didn’t wish to provoke that kind of situation. All he wanted was to get into bed, cuddle up, share a few kisses goodnight and fall asleep.

Have Alec make it very clear with his actions that he didn’t see Magnus as a monstrous demon.

“Magnus?” Alec’s voice carried over from the bedroom. “You coming?”

A snap of his fingers did all the work Magnus usually preferred to do with his hands, and Magnus stepped out of the bathroom.

“I just finished.”

He settled into the bed and turned off the lights, and Alec moved closer, pulling Magnus’s arm around himself. It felt nice. Domestic.

Reassuring.

“Can I ask you a question?” Alec said into the silence, as if the world had sensed that Magnus was feeling too comfortable.

Magnus swallowed. “Of course.”

“I know he’s your father, but do you think of Asmodeus as family?”

In the darkness, Magnus closed his eyes and took in one very measured breath. He could decline to answer, but that would do nothing to change the fact that Alec was thinking about it.

“It’s complicated and it’s not,” he said. “On one hand, he’s a Greater Demon and I want nothing to do with him. On the other, after my mo- When he found me, he was the first in a while to make me feel like a person. Sometimes, I can’t shake the feeling that he’s the only one I had, even if I hate it.”

He could feel Alec nodding, that small gesture that Magnus usually found endearing. Now, though, he had no idea how to read it, and uncertainty made suspect even the best of things.

“I was just thinking-“ Alec trailed off, and Magnus put enormous effort into not letting his body tense up. “It’s going to be kind of awkward if I ever meet him. Shadowhunters protect the world from demons. I mean, just imagine how it would go. ‘Hello, sir, I love your son very much, but I really have to banish you right now before you kill any more people.’ How’s that for a first impression?”

For a good moment, Magnus couldn’t say anything. Alec did always find the most unexpected ways to surprise him.

“That’s what you’re worrying about?” he finally asked. “Making a good first impression on a Greater Demon while still doing your duty as a shadowhunter.”

Alec turned so that he could look Magnus in the eye. “Well, for the most part, no. I meant what I said, I don’t care who your dad is. It just popped into my head. It’s a thing in mundane fiction, isn’t it? The awkward moment where you meet your boyfriend’s parents.”

“It is,” Magnus said, trying to get a grip on the conversation. Wasn’t this exactly what he’d been craving? Alec once again affirming that he wasn’t disgusted by this. “But if you did actually gain Asmodeus’s approval, I would be very worried.”

Alec laughed softly and his thumb made a few gentle swipes over the skin of Magnus’s wrist. “I guess neither one of us has a good father figure to share.”

It didn’t sound like a conversation starter, so Magnus just held on tighter, cherishing the moment Alec’s breathing evened and he let out the first tiny snore.

It wasn’t the comfort he’d been hoping for, but it felt reassuring nonetheless.

\---

Magnus stared at the door long after Catarina had closed it after herself.

He’d known her since 1737, and maybe that should have meant that she should stand by his side through this. Instead, it meant that he understood perfectly why she didn’t.

Truth be told, he didn’t need centuries of loyal friendship for that; he only needed a flash of a memory of Madzie, smiling bright up at him, and he understood perfectly why Catarina couldn’t throw everything to the wind for his sake, not this time.

He wondered what she saw around herself, in him, to bring up the idea that desperate times might call for the help of a familial connection even more powerful than Catarina herself.

Definitely not some abstract need to save Jace Herondale for Jace’s own sake. Probably at least a bit of the guilt at having unwittingly helped to render Jace into that state to begin with. But most likely, Catarina looked at him and saw what she’d seen so many times before; his inconvenient sense of responsibility that no warlock vote could strip off him and his devotion to those he’d accepted as family.

As far as Magnus knew, Catarina quite liked Alec, in a way that a single mother liked a very willing and completely free babysitter who’d walk through fire for her daughter. But if she looked at Magnus and thought it was worthwhile to even bring Asmodeus up as an option, she had to see something far more worthwhile when she looked at his and Alec’s relationship, at least.

Under different circumstances, it might have felt great to have her approval, implicit and indirect as it was. As it was, though, thinking of it was accompanied by a disconcerting realisation; even though he’d shot the idea down as soon as Catarina had suggested it, his brain was thinking about it when his conscious mind wasn’t looking.

Catarina would stay away from Magnus’s mess for the part of her family that needed her to. Magnus, he realised with a sinking feeling, would create a larger mess without a second thought, for the part of his family that needed his help.

Alec would hate the mere idea. But, Magnus reflected humourlessly, the problem with the family you found was that you could no less choose some aspects of their character than you could with the family you were born into.

\---

Magnus shot off the text even as he was pushing his client out the door.

_So incredibly sorry, Alexander, this consultation went overtime far more than I could have anticipated. Are you still there?_

He barely had time to lock the door before his phone was already beeping with Alec’s reply.

_Yes. Found Luke._

The words were followed by an emoji with two clinking glasses, which should have been the first clue.

Two minutes later, Magnus stepped into the Hunter’s Moon and was greeted two very enthusiastic men before he could even reach the counter.

They’d obviously been there for a good long while, already. Magnus could almost identify a brand of whiskey from Luke’s breath as he clapped Magnus’s shoulder with ‘Good to see you, Magnus’, and Alec’s face was adorably red.

“Missed you,” Alec mumbled into his ear with the subtlety of a freight train. “Luke was great company, but you’re _you_.”

Alec slouched just enough to comfortably slot against Magnus’s side like a puzzle piece that had been missing. It never failed to make Magnus’s throat constrict a little, how clearly the position announced that Alec belonged with him and couldn’t be happier about it.

“Missed you too,” Magnus said, and then his gaze shifted from Alec to Luke and back. “You two look like you’ve had a good time.”

“Alec’s wonderful company,” Luke told him, slurring his words just a little. “He gets it from his mum. You sure she’d like it if I called?”

The last words were clearly aimed at just Alec, who was nodding solemnly.

“She’d be thrilled.” Alec frowned a little. “I don’t think she’s been _thrilled_ for decades. She told me it was good meeting you again.”

The words themselves didn’t sound particularly encouraging, but Alec said them with such certainty that Magnus felt convinced, too. Luke perked up, too, a wide smile taking over his face. Perhaps it made sense. Maryse Lightwood certainly wasn’t known for giving a warm and fuzzy impression of herself. Maybe, like someone else Magnus knew, she was prickly to start a flirtation with but all sweetness when you got past the initial obstacles.

Maybe that ran in the family.

“I’ll call her,” Luke said with such conviction that Magnus half expected him to whip out his phone right then.

“That’s a great idea.” Magnus suppressed his smile into an acceptable size as his eyes met Luke’s. “But maybe wait until tomorrow.”

Luke made no promises as he made his goodbyes and headed for the door, and Magnus turned all his attention on Alec.

Alec, however, seemed to still be focused on the door Luke had disappeared through.

“He wants to smooch my mother,” Alec said.

Magnus didn’t snort out his amusement. That had been obvious to him for several weeks. “And how do you feel about that?”

“I think it would do mum good to be smooched by a handsome friend.” Alec turned his head to smile at Magnus. “She really told me it was good meeting him again, which even now for her is, like, wow. Like me telling Lydia Branwell you were magical when I really meant I want to kiss you forever.”

Magnus didn’t have the words to answer that, so he kissed Alec’s cheek instead. “Want to get home and get started on that?”

Alec, whose movement intoxication tended to give several traits of a new-born foal, nodded, still clinging to Magnus.

Ten seconds later, they were at the loft, comfortably seated on the sofa with not an inch of space between them, working on fulfilling former Alec’s wishes and more.

After some time, though, Magnus began to suspect that Alec’s bonelessness and sweet slowness were not all due to the alcohol.

“We should get to bed,” he said into the skin under Alec’s ear.

Alec pulled away, just enough to meet Magnus’s eye.

“You know,” he said, “I know you said we should take our time with the moving in together thing, but that’s pretty dumb.”

Magnus blinked, the topic having completely blindsided him. Alec didn’t seem to expect him to answer, though.

“I mean, I sleep here pretty much every night. You asked me to get home when we were leaving just a moment ago. It’s just that this way I have to go through effort with my stuff because most of it is never where I am.”

Alec was still looking him straight in the eye, and his gaze suddenly seemed a lot less addled by liquor.

“It feels kind of intentional,” he said. “Like a test for you to see if I think you’re worth the effort.”

Magnus opened his mouth once before any sound managed to come out. “Alexander, I don’t-“

“It’s okay,” Alec said, and the clarity in his eyes melted into sweetness, “I think you’re worth _all_ the effort.”

Forcing his lungs to work even when his heart felt like mush, Magnus brought his hand to cup the side of Alec’s face. “It’s not a test,” he said, hoping Alec would hear the words as clear and true as Magnus intended them, “because there’s no way you could ever fail. Not with me.”

“I know.” Alec leaned into the touch, his head so close their foreheads almost touched. “Being with you is so good. Magnus, I didn’t know life could be this good until I met you.”

“I’d given up hope it ever could be, for me.” Magnus pressed a kiss to the tip of Alec’s nose, since it was right there. He was completely sober, but in the moment it felt like maybe it had been him who’d downed a bottle of whiskey or two. “I- Alexander, I could not possibly tell you how much it means to me to have you in my life.”

“I love you so much, too,” Alec said.

Those weren’t the only words Magnus felt he could never find, but they were close enough for tonight.

An hour later as Alec was gently snoring against his chest and Magnus was lying awake and marvelling at his happiness, he couldn’t help conceding that Alec had a bit of a point. Not about it being a test, but about them practically living together already.

In the warmth of the bed that certainly felt more theirs than his, it was very hard to remember why Magnus had ever had any reservations to begin with. That was a conversation he should start, in the morning.

\---

It was a routine operation. In hindsight, that made it worse.

Their date had been interrupted by an urgent alert about a demon attack; not significant enough to be catastrophic, but with enough potential to turn dangerous that Magnus didn’t think twice about following Alec through the portal he created for him.

Plus, he’d been promised a night in Alec’s company, and a few demons or not, Magnus was determined to cash in.

“I owe you,” Alec said as he dodged a demon and turned around to stab it in the neck with one of his arrows. “You’ll choose the restaurant next time, and I’m turning off my phone.”

“That’s sweet, Alexander,” Magnus used his magic to blast one demon into pieces and moved to kick at one that seemed to be causing Clary considerable trouble, “but we could simply consider this an interlude and a warm-up. Our desserts were left unfinished.”

It was such a line, and Alec’s reaction didn’t disappoint.

“You say the sweetest things,” was what his mouth said, but both his tone and his eyes made it sound more like a genuine statement than a sardonic comment.

Perhaps Magnus would have done better not reading the intricacies of Alec’s tone and focusing on the fight around them. He killed two demons as he and Alec continued their eye contact, but saw no reason for Alec’s rapid change of expression and manic dash towards him, mouth opened to form words that didn’t have the time to come out.

It was only when Magnus was finished with the complicated movement that stopped him from falling face-first into the ground and turned around that he could see the reason why.

Where he’d stood just seconds ago, there was now Alec clutching at his side, kneeling over a demon corpse. Magnus had just the time to notice the blood that was starting to stain Alec’s t-shirt before Alec collapsed into the ground.

 

“Magnus,” Isabelle said, her voice deceptively gentle, “your pacing is not going to make him wake up any faster.”

Magnus tried to make his words come out less harsh than they felt like. “Is that your professional medical opinion?”

He did come to a halt by the bed, though, just to check on Alec’s pulse and temperature.

“No,” Isabelle stood up from her chair and walked to him, laying her hand supportively on his arm. “It’s an empirical observation based on all of the times I’ve sat by Alec in the infirmary.”

Magnus kept his eyes on Alec, not really knowing what to say to her. Isabelle had a life-long head start on Magnus when it came to caring about Alec; he would not do her the disservice of claiming she wouldn’t understand. But seeing Alec pale and immobile in the infirmary bed was already making him feel more terrified and vulnerable than he’d care to admit. Magnus felt thoroughly unprepared to make himself even more vulnerable by putting it into words for Isabelle, much as he liked her.

“It never gets any easier,” he eventually said, once he was able to speak in a calmer and lighter tone again.

Isabelle took a deep breath, her gaze on Alec as well. “It doesn’t.”

Maybe she sensed that he’d rather not have company right then, because Isabelle left soon after muttering something about Alec’s paperwork and telling Magnus to let her know as soon as Alec woke up. It should be soon, they both knew; the wound had not been severe, for a shadowhunter, and it was likely that Alec was mostly sleeping off exhaustion rather than anything more sinister.

Still, Magnus startled when he looked back at Alec’s face after glancing at the window, and saw Alec watch him with fully open eyes.

He collected himself quickly. “Just so you know, when you’ve recovered, I’m going to yell at you.”

Alec blinked. “What happened? Did someone get hurt?”

“Yes.” His greeting phrase had been an affectation, at least partially, but Magnus felt himself actually getting heated. “ _You_. What were you thinking, diving in front of a demon like that?”

“It was going to attack you.”

“And you think I couldn’t have handled it?”

“Of course you could have.” Alec’s hand made a feeble movement above the blanket, as if he was pushing away the mere notion. “It was... instinct.”

“Instinct to martyr yourself at the first available opportunity?” Magnus asked, knowing he was being unfair. “You shadowhunters, you-“

“Instinct to protect my family,” Alec interrupted him, anger starting to bubble up under his groggy demeanour.

They both froze, as if the word was cold water over their hot feelings. In the silence, Magnus realised neither of them had ever said it out loud.

Alec found his voice first.

“I’m not taking that back, I hope you don’t mind.” He swallowed, glancing at the floor next to Magnus. “I’m not trying to- stake a claim or anything, that’s just. You’re my family, and I protect my family above all else. That’s just how it is.”

Magnus didn’t want to be touched. He wanted to still be angry at Alec for casually putting himself in harm’s way.

He was most certainly very touched. If Alec went on, he might cry a little.

“There’s something you’re not taking into account,” he said, pre-empting the possibility. “I protect my family, too, and I’d never have any of them in front of a bullet aimed at me just to avoid getting hurt.”

The silence was long, as if both of them were processing the conversation and reshaping their world around the knowledge that this was deep and shared and mutual.

Alec spoke first.

“That sounds complicated,” he said. “Is it going to end up with us fighting each other to see who stands closest to every single demon or Circle member we fight?”

“I’m a centuries old warlock with powers you’ve never even witnessed.” Magnus hesitated only a little as he reached for Alec’s hand. “You have to know I’d win every time.”

Alec’s expression told him Alec knew no such thing.

“I’m the most stubborn person on earth,” Alec countered. “You said so yourself, just last week. Plus, trained shadowhunter reflexes.”

Unbidden, an old memory that felt even older than it was surfaced in Magnus’s mind, of thinking that Alec would set himself on fire for his family. It had been a bitter memory when it was made, improved by the events that followed and until now almost forgotten.

Magnus couldn’t help his smile.

“That’s a weak argument,” he said.

“And yet you’re conceding it.”

“What can I say, Alexander? I have to make some allowances for my family.”

Alec’s answering smile was so bright Magnus could almost believe he’d been hoping for this as desperately (and as long) as Magnus himself. Maybe he had. As Magnus too well knew, Alec put great importance on family.

And Magnus would make sure that Alec knew his family appreciated it.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/forgetmequite)!


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